no one is "just like me"

This summer I learned a lot about myself. I was forced to look back and reflect upon my oh-so-long 19 years of life. I am one lucky girl. In the mist of the hell I was, and still am, confronting, I was given an amazing support system. As of two hours ago, my reflections were debated and concluded as worthless by this very support system. They told me that I do art because it is reliable, safe, and something that no one can do "just like me". I am my own person and I strive to be different. After reliving my past through one hell of a conversation... I realized that they were right. Isolated and left to cry my brains out... I admitted hurt. I am hurting by trying not to get hurt. That may not make sense to any of you, but I am afraid to get hurt... but by only doing art, I hurt. Without art, I hurt even more. There is no winning for me here.

Art is who I am. I can't distinguish between the two anymore. And I don't want to. All I want is art. I long for art when I am not in the studio. I can't enjoy time with friends... not simply because of the time limitations in my schedule... I cant enjoy that time with friends because when I am with my friends, I'm not whole. I feel that I am only friends with people when it is convenient for their religious and social views. I am not accepted the way I am. I am art. Art is politics and debates... its criticism and acceptance even in failure... its the risks and outcomes... its annoying,and uncomfortable and strange... irritating... confrontation... the feeling like you are on top of the world... confined and released... air.... joy... peace... LIFE. Art is life.

And if you tell me its all about jesus or all about greek parties, there is a high/ almost 100% chance that I would slap you right about now. I believe in Jesus and God... I also believe in support systems like greek row... but those fellowships or groups shouldn't define you or limit your life to one thing. What are you passionate about? What do you do outside of prayer? I am passionate about art. Art is not clearly defined. Art can be anything... anywhere... with or without anyone. Art makes me ... me. And it makes me feel safe.

Take that away, and you're at a loss... because no one can do art like me. No one can be me. This is my life ... and my time... so if you don't like me as I am .... if you don't like my art...

Screw/ *put "f" word here* you.

And if you think that my family is going to hell for being full of individuals with different cultures, passions, and a strength that you wish you had...

Repeat the above swear numerous times.

There is nothing left to say to you. You know who you are.