Stay or Go? A small sacrifice...

I thought it was hard to pick up and just move away from home. It is still is hard to think about my family. I get homesick easily. But I know that in comparison to what I gave up in dear old Illinois, God gave so much more. He gave his one and only son's life for mine. I have to honor that. God has given me so much to love in this life... He gave me life. 

God wants me not to just love my family, but reach out to new people - and love them as well. 

" If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors can do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect"

(Matthew 5:46 - 48)

I am here to share the love I have in my heart. Even though it hurts to be away from my family, I must stay. I am supposed to share my light like the sun...

And oh - yes, three sunny days in a row. I've been praying for it :)

I HAVE A CLONE!!!

I was told I have a clone, so I went hunting to find out if that is true. I found my clone is named Kendra, and is the most amazing girl ever!

We both watch "dead shows" like Law and Order, CSI, House, Without a Trace, Bones...

We both watch Disney Channel... and adore everything else Disney...

We both are medical disasters waiting to happen...

We both love the colors green and purple...

We both love Peter Pan ...

We both are random in all that we do...

We both are "daddy's girls"...

We both are "night owls"

We both love crayons by crayola... and drawing in coloring books...

THE LIST GOES ON AND ON... BELIEVE ME! 

I just think that this is an incredible discovery that has to be shared with the world... well, maybe not that extreme but close. I love this girl!

Biology is not both cool and gross

"You want to see something cool and gross"... I walked into my biology class at 9am and that was the first thing that I heard. Something cool and gross - Possible but Unlikely. When I study biology, things usually fall into one category or the other... not both. 

There are many reasons why I would not make a good biology major... like the fact that I have arachnophobia... I'm really afraid of spiders.

In class today, I was already nervous when I saw glass jars everywhere filled with goo. I got closer and saw..

Dead Baby Jellyfish

Dead Baby Sharks

Dead Seahorse 

DEAD!

DEAD!!

DEAD!!!

And you know I love ocean/sea creatures. If there was a dead Honu in there, I would have been so angry. Actually, I probably wouldn't have had time to be angry just yet. My professor noticed how uncomfortable I was around the once-alive-totally-adorable-baby animals... but instead of asking what was wrong or talking to me about it... he shouted "Its biology... you are going to have to get over it if you want credit"... he was right. 

Yes, It's biology. I probably would've handled it better if I was warned about our class activity. 

What am I talking about??? I couldn't handle it at all!

I pushed forward... I wanted credit. I wanted to finish the activity... Slowly kept walking...

Dead Octopus

Dead "Nemo" Clown Fish

Dead Tapeworm (didn't really care for that one too much)

Dead Starfish

And...

DEAD SPIDER!!!!!!!!

I am sure they thought I was having a seizure. I was shaking, itching, tripping over everything. I fell down ALL of the stairs to the front of the classroom. Then I rolled onto my side, as tightly curled as I could get - and I cried. Me... crying... front and center... in biology. My professor was laughing with that spider in hand - he put it maybe an inch from my face and I couldn't move. My eyes were wide, I kept itching and crying... yes, it looks wierd crying wide-eyed, but it happened. 

A friend saw that my professor wasn't going to stop anytime soon. He picked me up and carried me out of the classroom and into the lobby of the building. I calmed down, uncurled my body, and sat up... still afraid, but also extremely angry. Yes, now the anger kicks in.

I take biology b/c it is require of me so I can graduate. I wasn't allow to take anatomy/physiology b/c I am not premed...

So here I am. Starring into goo-filled jars of dead things... some I love - which is heartbreaking - and some I hate.

All are equally disturbing.

What did I do... READ! First chance I got... ran out of Olin after that incident and read my bible. I had no idea what to read, so I opened it up and started to read Isaiah 40:28-31

"have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lor will find new strength. The will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk ad not faint."

New strength... hmmm... (Thought about it... kept reading)

Isaiah 41:10

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."

He will help me. I don't want to be afraid... I just don't know how to conquer certain fears on my own... So I trust God.

And I am calm. 

This commitment is more than 4 feet deep - I have questions

Though the baptism pool was only around 3-4 feet deep, my commitment is deeper than that. It is deeper than the friendships I have with those whoI want to make clear that this commitment is for life. And what I love most, is I don't need anyone's approval. I did it for God, no one else. 

He has made my heart clean. He has opened my eyes to things unseen. And I am learning to love like he did. (Can you tell I have been listening to Hillsong?  b/c I have *laugh* )

As for my questions... I was re-reading some of Matthew and found confusion. HELP!

Matthew 7 : 6

"Don't waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don't throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you"

I thought we were supposed to share the Truth with people. I think it is saying to be careful with the Word of God, but I'm not sure how else to interpret this. Could you please comment and let me know - or heck, if you run into me after reading this, just tell me what you are thinking. I am so confused by this verse.

Then I read something I really loved only one line later.

Matthew 7: 7-8

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. for everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."

I know the door has been opened to me. And I love what I am finding and learning -

I am seeing with new eyes, listening with new ears, and have a clean heart - full of love to give. 

How wonderful is our Lord?!

2 Corinthians was my peace of the night

At 2 in the morning, you would think everyone is fast asleep. I was in a bit of a frenzy. I had shared the gospel with my family, and talked about it for a few hours. I wasn't sure how they took it. I knew I should read God's word and pray about everything that had happened in this short period of time, but I failed to find a verse to fit the situation or calm me down. 

A friend of mine happened to be on duty in the dorms and was quite helpful. He shared his testimony with me, and encouraged me to read 2 Corinthians 5. I read all of 2 Corinthians, which lead to another night lacking in sleep. Though I lacked in sleep, I gained some knowledge and definitely found some comfort in what I read. 

2 Corinthians 1: 4 - 7

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us."

 

Yes, that was a lot, but let me explain. I may suffer, but God suffers with me. When I feel joy, God will rejoice by my side. All that I suffer and struggle with will help me grow. I will be a stronger person. And when I face troubles, I will be given a gift of comfort. Tonight, I was not only comforted by the conversation of a dear friend and clarification of what I had been reading... I was comforted by another surprise visitor. I don't know if it is luck, but I sure don't know who is coming to visit next weekend! Start planning that trip! I know that God has seen me form friendships with these surprise visitors... and sometimes friendship is all you need to turn that frown upside down. 

2 Corinthians 3: 2 - 6

"The only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves. Your lives are a letter written in our hearts; everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you. Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This "letter" is written not with a pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts. We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through grist. It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification come from God. He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant. This is a covenant not of written laws, but of the Spirit. The old written covenant ends in death; but under the new covenant the Spirit gives life."

Again, its a lot. I have a tendency to write long quotes when I am thinking hard about something. What I find comforting in this passage is that by sharing the word and how amazing it is, I am doing the right thing. By living with a heart filled with love and trust in the Lord, I am doing the right thing. I know I can't do anything on my own; by recognizing that, I am comforted. I have someone to lean on who will help me in troubling times like this. Sharing God's word can be found insulting, annoying, and confrontational at times, but who am I to deprive the world from knowing Christ?! I attempted to share his word today so that people may understand that God has given me life. I do not suffer with a lack of satisfaction in the life I live. Reflecting, I cannot complain. I have been given the best gift of all - the light of the world is in my heart. 

One last really long quote that I found really amazing...

2 Corinthians 6:3 - 10

" We live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us, and no one will find fault with our ministry. In everything we do we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind. We have been beaten, been put in prison, faced angry mobs, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights, and gone without food. We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. We faithfully preach the truth. God's power is working in us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense. We serve God weather people honor us or despise us, weather they slander us or praise us. We are honest but they call us impostors. We are ignored, even though we are well known. We live close to death, but we are still alive. We have been beaten, but we have not been killed. Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to other. We own nothing, and yet we have everything."

Wow... and i mean WOW. 

I read that to say - yes, we are human and we make mistakes. We like to struggle and learn the hard way. We also stand for what we believe in; that in itself can be hard. I have told people before: following God may not be the easiest road, but it is the best road. We do all that we do to glorify God. We are who we are. God is who God is. The world will go on regardless. When we are here, we want to share our joys and concerns with one another. We are people. 

We aren't perfect, but we can be alive in Christ. I am alive in Christ. 

I may have been beaten... we all have been beaten in one way or another... but the joy I feel right now cannot be destroyed. I want people, especially the people closest to my heart, to understand the spiritual riches I feel. Saying I have faith may look like nothing, but I feel like I have everything. I know God will give me what I need and ask for, but he will also make me strong. 

I am a child of God, and I'm going to start acting like one. 

Its time to share the light and love of the Lord. 

Thank you Thursdays

I know I just wrote this really long post, but I just wanted you all to know what I have been praying for the most. 

I am getting baptized this Sunday. I am scared to talk it through with my parents. My mom knows, but I am sure my dad will hate me for this. I am taking a huge step in my walk with the Lord. I want to know I have support. I don't want to be reminded of my struggles or how I am still stuck figuring out who likes me as a person or who just wants to be my friend because I have Christ in my heart. I just want to feel like I felt today. Thank God for Thursdays. 

Today was perfect. It really doesn't take much for me to say today is another one of those "Best Day Ever" experiences. I saw so many people. The sun was shining. I felt peace today, but also a great excitement. My testimony is officially finished ( 19 drafts later) ... if only I could remove the nerves of reading it in a few days *laugh* ... unlikely, but that wont stop me. 

I really do love God. I hope one day my sister will learn to love God as I have. I also pray that my parents (at minimum) understand why I have done this without them. It is for me, and for God. It isn't for anyone else. I also don't want to hurt them. I don't want to hurt anyone. I made sure to word it as best as I could, but it still is hard to be sure of something as sensitive as my testimony. 

I want this so badly... and I love my family so much. I pray they forgive me. 

I pray for so many things and so many people... but that is the top of my list. 

Goodnight.

You were made for more - Give it up to God

It doesn't matter what you are committed to if you're not committed to what matters.

Living for the Good          To  Experiencing God's Best

Succeeding in life ... Succeeding in your calling

Living for what matters in the world     ... Living for what matters to God

Drawing up your own plans ... Embracing his plans

Seeing your dreams come true ...   Living beyond your wildest dreams

Using your potential ...   Exceeding your potential through him

Enjoying a good life ...    Experiencing the best life

There are good-intentioned people doing "good" things for God while they're missing out on God's very best for them. Stop settling for good and miss out on the best. Ask God if what you are doing is what God made you to do.

"I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of"

(John 10:10)

This kind of relationship with the Lord will quench your thirst FOREVER.... yes, I said forever.

I thought God would take away everything I asked for. I asked him what he wanted for my life, and I am starting to go in the right direction. Ask. Don't ever be afraid to ask him questions. God knows what he is doing!

Thirst quencher #1 = SURRENDER!

Surrendering doesn't meaning all you value in your life will disappear! You won't lose anything. You will gain everything!

Write down the goals you have for the next five years. If you could design the perfect future, what would it look like?

Thirst quencher #2 = BELIEVE!

There is a better tomorrow with a life in Christ. Satan is so good at selling you lies. He wants you to believe that the past, whether it's your choices or those of someone close to you, will keep you from experiencing success in living out God's plan for you life. Don't believe that. Take God at his word EVERYDAY!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

(Jeremiah 29:11)

God doesn't say in Jeremiah that he has a plan for you unless you've blown it, does he? God has a plan for you - NO MATTER WHAT!!! How wonderful is that?!

Lets try to absorb this:

God has a plan for you.

This means that

no matter where you've been,

no matter what you've done,

no matter what your home life is like,

no matter what others think of you,

no matter what you think of yourself,

no matter what your past is like,

and no matter what's happening in the present...

GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU!

wow. *sigh* I mean... wow. 

Thirst quencher #3 = TRUST

Who made you? Do you really believe God made you? ( I do.)

If you do believe God created you, then doesn't it make sense that the God who created you probably know what is best for you? And then doesn't it also make sense that if God created you and knows what is best for you, then you'll feel most fulfilled when you fully surrender your life to him?

"The eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His."

(2 Chornicles 16:9)

Trust him and he will do amazing things with your life.

Thirst quencher #4: OBEY

He will lavish you with good things.

He will bless your work.

Jesus going to the cross didn't make much sense to the disciples. Obedience isn't always about what makes sense. I may not make sense, but it is SO IMPORTANT. If you really trust God, and love him with all your heart, I think it makes sense to be loyal and obedient. 

We obey our parents. We obey our teachers. We obey and remain loyal to our friends. God is the Father, and as his children, we should obey. God is a teacher of life itself. He created the earth. God can give, and God will take away. He teaches us to be strong. And God is a friend that will never leave you, always listen to you, and always care about you. To have a friend like that is incredible! I will obey and sit in this amazement I feel. 

Thirst quencher #5: LISTEN

A good quote:

" Relationships are a two-way street - - - talking and listening. There are a lot of Christians who are really good at talking to God, but stink to high heaven at listening to him. And most of the time, the noise of their life is so loud they never slow down, unplug the life pod, removed the headphones and simply listen"

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me"

(John 10:27)

There are many noises and voices competing for your listening ear. You have to filter out the noise if you want to hear God's voice. 

HOW TO LISTEN TO GOD

- make an effort to spend time with him

- after praying, sit quietly and listen

- slow down and give him a chance to get your attention

- take off your headphones

He will speak into your heart and challenge you to think in ways you've never thought. 

Heads up tho - God's voice isn't going to boom from a burning bush like it did with Moses or send down a dove as he did when Jesus was baptized. It just doesn't work that way. He will speak to your heart. He has countless ways to speak to us through his Spirit. He will give you a feeling to make the right choices... the same feeling I got today. 

GOD CAN SPEAK TO YOU

- in your thoughts

- through a song

- in the stillness of the moment

- through his word

- through a friend

AND MANY MORE WAYS IF YOU LET HIM!

He wants us to listen, to train our ears, hearts, and minds to hear him.

Pray to God: You do all the talking. 

(vs)

Communicate with God: You talk. He listens. He talks. You listen.

Satan wants you to believe that GOd should never look your way, that you aren't good enough to have God's full attention. Satan is a liar. God wants to give you all of him. He knows your past and understands your weaknesses; he looks past mistakes and sees potential. Only he can give you the best for your life. Only he can make you complete. 

God will take extreme measures to get your attention. But he doesn't do this to condemn you. He does it because he loves you. He does it because he wants you to have his best. He does it so you can have all the water that'll quench your thirst forever. 

So drink up! :)

Are you wearing makeshift clothing?

This is not another blog about style... Its actually about how you are running away from the best possible thing in your life. God.

makeshift = temporary and usually inferior substitute

Did you notice the clothes Adam and Eve made after their major blunder in Genesis? Genesis says their attempt at fashion design was nothing more than "makeshift clothes". This isn't about making our own clothes or saving the environment (though those are nice ideas)... Its about how we create our own ways to solve problems without asking God for help. The end result of our substitutes cannot last and will not satisfy our needs.

Your temptation Your makeshift clothes

There are overwhelming circumstances ..... You turn to a drink

Temptations seem to difficult to control ..... You cut yourself

Everyone else seems to be doing it ..... You become sexually active

You want to be popular ..... You try to become IT

You want his attention ..... You do whatever's necessary to get it

(Genesis 3:21) The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.

Skin... skin... first if you didn't get the same disgusting image I got, I'd be surprised. Us, without skin. He didn't just pursue them, he clothed them! He replaced their makeshift clothing... so basically, God was the first designer on earth :)

Regardless of imperfections, God wants to capture you and clothe you in his finest. 

SO STOP RUNNING AWAY!

God will not run. He will not turn his back on you.

The question isn't "Is God pursuing you?"... The question is " Will you let God capture you?"

Chapter 2 - Being you and LIKING IT!

Take a few minutes on a separate sheet of paper and write:

5 characteristics of how women are portrayed in today's culture

Yes, It is as if "woman" has been stripped of almost every good, pure quality. We are told completion is in beauty, sex, and money... as you probably were already aware. Many girls associate their value with weight and appearance; self-esteem with sex appeal; acceptance with becoming IT. Its a cultural lie. You suddenly start thinking that without the newest trend and those 200 dollar jeans you saw in the magazine... you are going to DIE! How you look... is how you are.

"I'm ugly. I hate how I look. I hate how I dress. I hate my stomach. I hate my nose. Why can't I be different? Why did God make me this way? What is he thinking?" Sound familiar?

Take another break... write down a list of: 

5 things you don't like about yourself

(followed by a list of )

5 things you do like about yourself.

I bet you finished the first one a lot quicker than the second -yes?

The horrible things you think about yourself is far from true. You are correct if you think you will never meet the world's standards, b/c that is IMPOSSIBLE! They make sure you fail. 

God wants you to win. He wants you to feel like you are enough. He wants you to succeed. He sees you for who you are and everything you can be.

He knows:

- your greatest struggles

- your disappointments

- your home life

- your fears

- what you're thinking right now (though its creepy... its true!)

- the choices you regret

- what you do in your private world

- what you hope for/dream of

-EVERYTHING!

And he wants to make sure you see that being you is a good thing... a great thing!

1. God sees you as beautiful (Psalm 139:13-16)

Look at yourself with God's eyes. There is a purpose behind every "flaw" and imperfection. If you read and believe what Pslam says, then you believe that God had amazing intentions when he made you.

 (Suggest also reading Philippians 1:6)

2. You are God's mirror.

 "God created people in his own image,

God patterned them after himself. (Genesis 1:27)

What do you think it means to be God's mirror in your world? (write it out!)

Okay... this may sound kinda creepy - but think about how differently you'd feel if you looked in the mirror and saw God staring back at you? Wow. Is that an instant love for yourself... you'd like yourself more then now - right? Talk about a basis for self- worth! God shared his own traits with you. This proves how much he thought of you when he created you. You may not like yourself, who you are, feel valuable... but God believes your value is immeasurable. 

3. God sees you as good.

"God looked over everything he had made;

it was so good, so very good" (Genesis 1:31)

He is pleased will all he made... that includes you. You have the ability to do good, be good, and thus live a life that reflects him. Knowing you are good in God's eyes should give you a lot to smile about. Forget the media ... There is no greater honor and basis for self-worth than to have God say "You are good."

Take a break and write some of those good characteristics again... and besides those characteristics, write how you can use it to honor God.

What the spirit can do:

1. Sanctify you - you're holy and freed from sin (1 Corinthians 6:11)

2. Give you hope (Romans 15:13)

3. Give you special gifts, like wisdom and knowledge (1 Corinthians 12:8-11)

4. Transform you into God's likeness (2 Corinthians 3:18)

5. Give you the promise of eternal life (2 Corinthians 5:5; Galatians 6:8)

God is on your side, no matter what stage of life you are in. You are made for more than just getting by, settling in, or giving in. God knew you before your first breath of life, and ever since, he has had his hand on every aspect of your life. "Even the hairs of your head are numbered" (Matthew 10:30) Think about that the next time you go dye your hair black or cut it all off... Because God created you and he knows what's best for you. 

Though this is true, I don't like being the dumb blonde :) 

And remember... only he can complete you. 

(Right about now, I would right a prayer asking God to do what he needs to do in my life to make me feel complete. I would also ask him to help me see myself as he sees me. - - > you might want to try that one too if you still got any paper left)

God will give you answers if you ask :)

Who are you really? Being a man/woman is a choice!

For the record, being a woman is a state of being/mind... not just all that other crap we go through. And either my brain is exploding or I am not acting like a 5 year old anymore. 

That movie night made me think to the point of realization that I am no longer the same person. 

(Go watch "The Outsiders" followed by "The Ultimate Gift" and you will know what I am talking about.)

The last week I have been noticing changes in myself. Good changes. Changes I didn't expect. Changes that I'm actually okay with... and in all honesty, I love it!

I find I am able to listen more, and have sincere/thoughtful responses in conversation. I don't just bounce all the time to cover up my emotions. I have cried, screamed (which many of you heard the other night), smiled uncontrollably, and found myself. I thought I had lost most of me when I left SHS and my busy schedule. I thought I lost my world... my music... me. That is nowhere near true. I lost sight of what was important, and was so stubborn that I really couldn't learn anything new at all. Not in academics, not at church, not from a random occurrence... nothing. I was numb... as numb as numb gets. The Tuck's from "Tuck Everlasting" have a point about that whole "rock stuck at the edge of the stream" thing they talk about. It's not where you want to be. 

Part of this change I owe to a book that I am reading. It shares the name of this blog. It is titled: "This is me" by Jeffrey Dean. Yes, it is written by a man... yes, that caught me off guard at first... and yes, he is incredibly smart and possibly might know the in(s) and out(s) of every woman's mind. (Girls, you have been warned.) *laugh*

This book has taught me a lot about myself; I hope I get the chance to share all I have learned over time. I am positive it wont all fit in one blog, but I will try and cram as much as I can into this one... lets take it one chapter at a time. I think that sounds reasonable. I will also continue to factor in my crazy opinions, but I will link them to the knowledge I have been blessed to apply to my life this week. 

Before we dive in, I want to thank you... and you know who you are. I know we aren't very close friends, and we don't have much in common, but every time I run into you, or talk to you... I start thinking. I feel challenged... and I want to learn new things. You encourage me to find those new things... to seek them out and turn them into experiences. Those experiences spark new questions and new ideas. I hope sometime soon I will get to ask you those questions and share those ideas. Until then, thank you for just being you. 

On that note... CHAPTER 1: Who are you really?

This chapter asks you to take time and think through your life. 

Are you trying to be what everyone else wants you to be instead of just being yourself? 

(If you are, stop that nonsense silly!)

There is this thing in life that Jeffrey Dean likes to call the "IT" status. You want to be it. You want to have it. You want to do it. No matter what IT is at the moment, you have to do IT, have IT, be IT. And because IT is always changing, pressure is unrelenting and your happiness never lasts. 

I find it entertaining that Dean likes to tell us not only the girls point of view, but also the guys point of view. They feel pressure too. We aren't the only ones. Cut them some slack :)

Girls struggling with this IT problem usually don't realize they are trying to achieve IT status. And yes, this IT status irritates boys on a frequent, if not daily, basis. You are searching for popularity, acceptance, love, security or self-worth... correct? 

Satin likes to play with our brains and tell us that we aren't good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, etc. Unless we focus on the only IT that matters --- God's purpose for you --- you'll get confused on numerous other things that will just fade away with the rest of you. 

He tells us that becoming a woman or a man is a choice. To reach for "something more" in the mist of Satin working overtime... that is a choice. And this something more is different for everyone. Regardless, God has a plan for you, and he is not going to hide it from you. He wants you to know what it is and trust him. The question is - are you willing to trust him that much?

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

"In other words, God is saying:

Give me a chance. Let me prove to you that I have it all under control. Let me show you that I am capable of doing something amazing with your life. Let me make you into the person you were created to be. Let me make you into a person that will stand for me and show the world who I am" p.9

Do you look in the mirror and constantly find something wrong with your life? To fight that feeling - you need to give God a chance. 

Warning: Though God is the best road, its not always the easiest. 

You can do this. I did. And though I don't know everything, I know a lot more than I did a few days ago. 

My favorite quote from this chapter is on page 12.

"Your walk with God isn't like getting spiritual plastic surgery. Every-thing's not fixed in an instant. Its a one-day-at-a-time thing. So don't give up. You can do this."

And you can. I mean... YOU REALLY CAN!

Let me guess, you want the book too? I highly recommend it. Chapter 2 at a later date...

until then, 

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

I'm sure it will be wonderful.

GOD HAS PERFECT TIMING

I'm sorry I haven't been writing as much as I planned. I've been struggling a lot physically this week. To be so unsure of so many things, and so scared... its not a good feeling. 

I've been praying a lot to God, and many people have been praying for me. I know God hears all of us. Not only has God given me great support, but he gave me a great gift.

After one of the worst days I have faced in this new year of 2009... God gave me a gift! Someone I hold very close to my heart stopped by my room last night to say hello, and all I could do was scream for joy, and smile for a good 3 hours! Sometimes, all you really need is a hug.

Thank you God for turning my frown upside down... and into a genuine smile. I don't have to fake that I like Valentines Day this year... I'm really excited!

Define: Sorry

I know from experience that anger is something that you can easily cling to. I don't recommend it, but anger sticks if we want it to or not. Things in life happen that are out of our control. Though these situations can be frustrating and hard to recover from, they will always be there. 

When confiding in another person, I don't like to hear that they are sorry. What did you do wrong? None of this is your fault... it is out of both of our hands. Sometimes crappy things just happen. 

Again I have a definition:

Sorry - feeling or expressing pity, sympathy, grief, or regret

All of those words are TERRIBLE! I don't want people to pity me or tell me they grieve for me. I want ears to listen, an intelligent being to give advice, and then ... move on. Personally, I would rather learn from a mistake than mope and hope it disappears by morning. 

If something is not your fault, and you tell me that you are sorry, I will correct you. 

You did nothing wrong. 

This time, its all on me. 

Women Have Curves!

All this shopping, planning events, and having spring rush upon us can be really tiring. I have been watching girls panic about the way they look and what they wear all weekend. What magazines don't tell us is that people are NOT supposed to look like the mannequins. We are all sized differently, and built differently. And differences are things to be respected and loved. 

You are not fat.

You are not ugly.

You are not a walking disaster. 

All you are doing is lowering your self-esteem and confidence levels. Don't blame people for the way you were made. You are unique. You have your own style. Your opinions, ideas, and your wants... THEY MATTER! 

For example, my sister despises polka-dots, but right now I am going through a phase where I think polka-dots are really fun! The other day I found two adorable polka-dot dresses that make me feel really good about myself when I look in the mirror. I don't worry about what my sister thinks, I wear what makes me comfortable and happy. 

I'm not suggesting you go on a huge shopping spree, but Wet Seal, Delias, and Forever 21 are having some incredible sales on those bright colored shirts! Scarfs are also a totally fun new trend I would recommend taking part in. 

Find an outfit that makes you feel good about yourself. 

Compliments are great, but -

for people to love you, you must love yourself first. 

You are projecting an image of yourself to the world every time you step outside your apartment. If you feel disgusting, don't just put on a sweatshirt and mope; Put on a nice outfit. I find the worse I feel, the nicer I need to dress. That outfit can boost your self-esteem, and push aside that nasty feeling you had when you woke up. You may think this is a bunch of rubbish, but pushing yourself to dress in a more proper attire helps!

Also, just because you have curves doesn't mean you need to diet, work out until you cry, or both. Exercise is good, but do it for you... not for society and their need for perfection. If you want to be a healthy person, go workout... but please don't over do it. Work out for 30 minutes a day. Keep in mind, working out wont take away your curves entirely. (I would know. )

It's not a disease.

It's not a problem.

It's not a reason to be alone.

It's not justification to hate yourself. 

There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are who you are. You can still have a great social life, do what you love, and be an amazing individual. 

Weight, size, shape - has nothing to do with it. 

Every person I have ever met could be in a magazine if they had the right photographer, but don't waste your money.

Take your own picture. :)

Half and Half

Even though I told you I wouldn't share my thoughts on how great the Lord is, I'm taking half of this blog to tell you how perfect the message at Alive was this week. 

Part 1: Alive Message (in summary)

We cannot define God. God is exactly who God is - regardless of what you think or wish he was. 

(Gee- doesn't that sound familiar? Moving on.)

People can believe whatever they like, but that doesn't mean their beliefs are true. A person's belief on a topic may also alter the way they treat that specific topic. If I believe God to be an entirely different God than the bible tells me he is, I would not only have a false view, but I would also say, think, and feel differently about God than you might. 

Under all the propaganda, chatter, cries... God just wants his people, US, to see God as he really is. 

(Hint Hint...)

This God is so amazing. If I ask, God will show me what I need to know. He will lead the way for me. If I'm ever in trouble, I will turn to God. 

This is extremely difficult. I don't know many people in Chicago land that read their bible in troubling times, or want to grow close to God. In fact, unless you are a grandma in a nursing home, you are probably not likely to own a bible at all. Peer pressure can eat away at you, and Satin will pull you down to places where you can't breathe. It's dirty air. Horror and Gore... If I just turn to God, I am forgiven... handed knowledge... and able to grow into a stronger human being. 

God is on your side. 

God can't make life perfect and easy, because we are on earth. Earth can't be perfect. But please know that God has your best interest at heart. 

He loves his children. 

He loves you. 

In turn, you will love others. Open up to people. Stop doubting God. If you believe, God will give you what you need in this life. 

HE LOVES YOU! And don't you forget it.

To think, we have been ignoring him when all he wants to do is love you. He wants you to know Him. 

(Phew... now onto the whole... ME... thing)

PART 2: 

Just to phase out of God mode, I want to emphasize the meaning for this blog. 

I want people to get to know me for who I am, and who God made me to be.  

There is so much in this life we take for granted. 

I had an interesting talk with someone today. I'd always been friendly, but I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship. I am finding that many of my friends have these incredible musical talents that are being hidden. START SHINING! You are not being selfish or intruding... It's okay to live for yourself once in a blue moon! 

(I love God, but you have to love what he created too... yes?!)

The wiki definition of music is something I find entertaining:

"music is an art form whose medium is sound organized in time"...

I think that if music is an art, then:

art can be a science (figure drawing)

and science can be a form of math (equations)

and math is a way to create music (counts/writing music)

Its interesting how everything in life is linked by something so simple. 

A finger tap.

A person humming.

A stranger in white... In a car? "whoosh"!

Banging on a trash can.

Anyone can make music, and it doesn't matter if it's "good". We can express ourselves in such unique ways, and the world deserves to see what those art forms are. 

I hope you share your talents with me this weekend. 

I think its time to show people who we really are. 

And please, take your life one note at a time :)

A Day In My Shoes

Yes, the first topic on this amazing blog... 

shoes. 

We all have different preferences, styles, wants... a lot of high expectations for something so simple. The status and importance of the shoe in society is rising. If the shoe is off by one shade of red when compared to the designer magazine, *sigh* well... I'd run with fear that an angry customer would attack me. Have you not seen the new Hannah Montana commercials?! What about the movie Devil Wears Prada?! This is why our generation should have stuck with simple good shows like Boy Meets World and Facts of Life! 

Since we didn't, the topic lives and is open for discussion. 

This morning I was thinking about how much women cling to their shoes. I, unfortunately, fall under that category. I'm learning that every person has a different definition of the words comfort, style, and design. We all have different lives; rather than taking our experiences and learning from one another, we would rather just have our own shoes. 

What if people cared for others as much as themselves? 

What if women spent as much time with their friends as they do picking out a pair of shoes to wear at a nightclub?

How would the world be then?

Forget about Global Warming, Recycling, the decline in our Economic System for 5 seconds... If we all could co-exist with our many values, morals, and lifestyles, the world would already begin to improve. We argue about ridiculous things that in the long run have no significance. Hair styles, soccer scores, computer games... SHOES!

My shoes may be great, but girls, we need to end this denial and learn something from this trendy phase.

Shoes can't love you back.

Shoes can't give you advice.

Shoes can't poke you until you smile. 

Shoes can't teach you to do your first load of laundry.

Shoes can't help you with your homework.

Shoes can't help you get ready for your first high-school dance. 

Shoes can't make funny faces at you.

Shoes can't make you laugh until you cry.

Shoes can't dance in the rain with you. 

Shoes can't drive you home.

Shoes can't be your best friends. 

Every shoe you girls own, will break. Fall apart. Get all scuffed up. Then what? Buy another pair? I have a suggestion... give your poor feet a break! They feel stressed out! And you probably haven't considered that the arch in your foot has been changing and you haven't re-measured your foot in years! Instead of buying another pair of pink high heels, grab the arm of the person sitting next to you in that dorm lobby... and go take a walk at the beach. Not only do your feet get that break they have longed for, but you just got yourself a new friend. 

Since there is no day like today - and only so many tomorrows - 

I'm going to walk barefoot in the sand every chance I get.