Missing You

I am only just finding out what it means to miss people. That may sound strange, but I used to abuse the phrase "I will miss you". I just said it to make it sound like I cared. 

I know I miss so many that have died. I miss having those people around me. It can really shake a person up when someone you love just disappears... when someone just doesn't come home or doesn't wake up. I am certain that there will always be tears in my eyes when I think of them, but its because of that emptiness that fills you in short bits of time. That was the way I defined missing someone. Emptiness. 

Now I define it as an attachment... when you are so full of joy, and friendship, and love, and encouragement... and then you have to separate yourself from that person - - - 

Now that I have become so totally attached, I'm learning to miss the living:

My mom can't be here when I am sick to take care of me.

My sister isn't here to race my dog to the front door when I get home.

My dad isn't here to watch "dead shows" with me...

No family dinners or movie nights.

I can't go to an SHS pep assembly and sing the national anthem with my friends or help the diversity council with charity events. 

I can't see my best friend everyday or let alone... I can't have a phone conversation with her because I am so caught up in my studies or my art projects. 

That hurts... and you know what hurts just as much...

Knowing that I am going home for a week without you. I can't wait to go home, but it is so heartbreaking to separate myself from this fellowship. This really is my home away from home. 

You all are doing something so incredible this week... you have courage that I hope I can embrace someday. You are sharing truth with the world! And that is such an incredible thing. You have left a seed in my life, and have drastically changed my views of the world in itself. You are helping me grow in my identity (with Christ and as a genuine human being). 

You are the reason I am able to smile everyday. 

Know my spirit is with you, and I will be thinking of you everyday. I will be praying for you with all my heart. Yes, you! 

I really am going to miss you. And I mean that. Otherwise, I wouldn't be crying all over my keyboard (yes, you can laugh :] )

So, in the morning I will be passing out (what a dear friend of mine calls) "freedom cameras". Take pictures of the miracles that are surrounding your life. When you return please give them to me to develop. I will be making one heck of a project -  I promise. 

I am so proud to call you my brothers and sisters - because you really are sharing the light like the sun. 

I miss you already. Have an amazing Spring Break!

p.s. know I love you.