Biology is not both cool and gross

"You want to see something cool and gross"... I walked into my biology class at 9am and that was the first thing that I heard. Something cool and gross - Possible but Unlikely. When I study biology, things usually fall into one category or the other... not both. 

There are many reasons why I would not make a good biology major... like the fact that I have arachnophobia... I'm really afraid of spiders.

In class today, I was already nervous when I saw glass jars everywhere filled with goo. I got closer and saw..

Dead Baby Jellyfish

Dead Baby Sharks

Dead Seahorse 

DEAD!

DEAD!!

DEAD!!!

And you know I love ocean/sea creatures. If there was a dead Honu in there, I would have been so angry. Actually, I probably wouldn't have had time to be angry just yet. My professor noticed how uncomfortable I was around the once-alive-totally-adorable-baby animals... but instead of asking what was wrong or talking to me about it... he shouted "Its biology... you are going to have to get over it if you want credit"... he was right. 

Yes, It's biology. I probably would've handled it better if I was warned about our class activity. 

What am I talking about??? I couldn't handle it at all!

I pushed forward... I wanted credit. I wanted to finish the activity... Slowly kept walking...

Dead Octopus

Dead "Nemo" Clown Fish

Dead Tapeworm (didn't really care for that one too much)

Dead Starfish

And...

DEAD SPIDER!!!!!!!!

I am sure they thought I was having a seizure. I was shaking, itching, tripping over everything. I fell down ALL of the stairs to the front of the classroom. Then I rolled onto my side, as tightly curled as I could get - and I cried. Me... crying... front and center... in biology. My professor was laughing with that spider in hand - he put it maybe an inch from my face and I couldn't move. My eyes were wide, I kept itching and crying... yes, it looks wierd crying wide-eyed, but it happened. 

A friend saw that my professor wasn't going to stop anytime soon. He picked me up and carried me out of the classroom and into the lobby of the building. I calmed down, uncurled my body, and sat up... still afraid, but also extremely angry. Yes, now the anger kicks in.

I take biology b/c it is require of me so I can graduate. I wasn't allow to take anatomy/physiology b/c I am not premed...

So here I am. Starring into goo-filled jars of dead things... some I love - which is heartbreaking - and some I hate.

All are equally disturbing.

What did I do... READ! First chance I got... ran out of Olin after that incident and read my bible. I had no idea what to read, so I opened it up and started to read Isaiah 40:28-31

"have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lor will find new strength. The will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk ad not faint."

New strength... hmmm... (Thought about it... kept reading)

Isaiah 41:10

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."

He will help me. I don't want to be afraid... I just don't know how to conquer certain fears on my own... So I trust God.

And I am calm.