Who are you really? Being a man/woman is a choice!

For the record, being a woman is a state of being/mind... not just all that other crap we go through. And either my brain is exploding or I am not acting like a 5 year old anymore. 

That movie night made me think to the point of realization that I am no longer the same person. 

(Go watch "The Outsiders" followed by "The Ultimate Gift" and you will know what I am talking about.)

The last week I have been noticing changes in myself. Good changes. Changes I didn't expect. Changes that I'm actually okay with... and in all honesty, I love it!

I find I am able to listen more, and have sincere/thoughtful responses in conversation. I don't just bounce all the time to cover up my emotions. I have cried, screamed (which many of you heard the other night), smiled uncontrollably, and found myself. I thought I had lost most of me when I left SHS and my busy schedule. I thought I lost my world... my music... me. That is nowhere near true. I lost sight of what was important, and was so stubborn that I really couldn't learn anything new at all. Not in academics, not at church, not from a random occurrence... nothing. I was numb... as numb as numb gets. The Tuck's from "Tuck Everlasting" have a point about that whole "rock stuck at the edge of the stream" thing they talk about. It's not where you want to be. 

Part of this change I owe to a book that I am reading. It shares the name of this blog. It is titled: "This is me" by Jeffrey Dean. Yes, it is written by a man... yes, that caught me off guard at first... and yes, he is incredibly smart and possibly might know the in(s) and out(s) of every woman's mind. (Girls, you have been warned.) *laugh*

This book has taught me a lot about myself; I hope I get the chance to share all I have learned over time. I am positive it wont all fit in one blog, but I will try and cram as much as I can into this one... lets take it one chapter at a time. I think that sounds reasonable. I will also continue to factor in my crazy opinions, but I will link them to the knowledge I have been blessed to apply to my life this week. 

Before we dive in, I want to thank you... and you know who you are. I know we aren't very close friends, and we don't have much in common, but every time I run into you, or talk to you... I start thinking. I feel challenged... and I want to learn new things. You encourage me to find those new things... to seek them out and turn them into experiences. Those experiences spark new questions and new ideas. I hope sometime soon I will get to ask you those questions and share those ideas. Until then, thank you for just being you. 

On that note... CHAPTER 1: Who are you really?

This chapter asks you to take time and think through your life. 

Are you trying to be what everyone else wants you to be instead of just being yourself? 

(If you are, stop that nonsense silly!)

There is this thing in life that Jeffrey Dean likes to call the "IT" status. You want to be it. You want to have it. You want to do it. No matter what IT is at the moment, you have to do IT, have IT, be IT. And because IT is always changing, pressure is unrelenting and your happiness never lasts. 

I find it entertaining that Dean likes to tell us not only the girls point of view, but also the guys point of view. They feel pressure too. We aren't the only ones. Cut them some slack :)

Girls struggling with this IT problem usually don't realize they are trying to achieve IT status. And yes, this IT status irritates boys on a frequent, if not daily, basis. You are searching for popularity, acceptance, love, security or self-worth... correct? 

Satin likes to play with our brains and tell us that we aren't good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, etc. Unless we focus on the only IT that matters --- God's purpose for you --- you'll get confused on numerous other things that will just fade away with the rest of you. 

He tells us that becoming a woman or a man is a choice. To reach for "something more" in the mist of Satin working overtime... that is a choice. And this something more is different for everyone. Regardless, God has a plan for you, and he is not going to hide it from you. He wants you to know what it is and trust him. The question is - are you willing to trust him that much?

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

"In other words, God is saying:

Give me a chance. Let me prove to you that I have it all under control. Let me show you that I am capable of doing something amazing with your life. Let me make you into the person you were created to be. Let me make you into a person that will stand for me and show the world who I am" p.9

Do you look in the mirror and constantly find something wrong with your life? To fight that feeling - you need to give God a chance. 

Warning: Though God is the best road, its not always the easiest. 

You can do this. I did. And though I don't know everything, I know a lot more than I did a few days ago. 

My favorite quote from this chapter is on page 12.

"Your walk with God isn't like getting spiritual plastic surgery. Every-thing's not fixed in an instant. Its a one-day-at-a-time thing. So don't give up. You can do this."

And you can. I mean... YOU REALLY CAN!

Let me guess, you want the book too? I highly recommend it. Chapter 2 at a later date...

until then, 

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

I'm sure it will be wonderful.